Smithereens

Break me, Lord.
Shatter the sinful man,
and leave not one stone upon another.
Grind down the pride and lust and hatred.
                 but,
from the dust of those ruins,
    build me anew - deep of foundation - true to plumb,
        high, and higher still,
'till all can see, revealed at last,
a monument to your love.
Break me.
Lord.
I pray.

What's it gonna cost ya?

In my first post for this blog I wrote about my impatience with my spiritual progress and the fact that I was a bit disappointed to find that I wouldn’t simply be granted relief from temptation and other manifestations of a heart reborn in Christ. I still experience on-going frustration with the struggle to rise above my base instincts to follow Christ’s path.
  

   I’ve gotten angry at times – with God and with myself – that I’m not stronger or that I don’t seem to be getting any help with the resistance. (Maybe I should say that I don’t seem to be getting any obvious help.)

   Today, during my quiet time commute to work, it occurred to me that I wasn’t looking at this problem from the right perspective. Because, if I’m making an offering to God, then it needs to count for something, right? If God were to simply shelter me from temptation then what would be the value of my resistance - my sacrifice? I’d be offering nothing. Indeed, I’d be doing nothing since there be nothing to resist. No opportunity in that circumstance to offer anything to God.

    Viewed from that perspective, then, the question becomes “do I love God more than I’m drawn to this Earthly thing?” Does my relationship with Him take precedence over whatever sin I’m battling?  And, if the answer is yes (and it is!), then the very difficulty of the struggle makes it a sacrifice worthy of God.

     Psalm 51:17  reads:

        The sacrifice pleasing to God is a broken spirit. God, You will not despise a broken and humbled heart.

     A  humble, broken spirit will move a Christian to remain obedient to God and faithful to their spouse, even with in the heart, despite the sometimes nearly overwhelming biological drive not to.

     A humble, broken spirit will willingly sacrifice wealth and material comfort, beyond our surplus, despite our inborn tendency towards greed, comfort, and security.

     A humble, broken spirit will summon up forgiveness even in the face of outrageous offense.

     A humble, broken spirit will love the unlovable.

    And because these things are difficult – because they’ll cost you – they become a fitting offering to our loving God who freely offers His forgiving grace to the undeserving. 

Go Time

Time to boogie!
   Something's happening. I've known since I came back to Christ that my service to Him wouldn't be a part-time affair. And, now I've come under a strong conviction to move, and move soon. In order to obey God I'm being shown a course that will require me to abandon the security of a job I've held for over 20 yrs during a time of economic distress. And this is going to take an enormous dose of faith and trust on my part.
   Not only is it the security of the job that's at stake. I owe way more that I should - the consequence of not being within  the will of God for all those years - and I'm a 51 year old man with Muscular Dystrophy. Finding another job under these circumstances in these times would be difficult if not impossible. God is asking me nothing less than to trust him with my entire Earthy wellbeing. Physical. Financial. Circumstantial.
   So I guess that it's time to put up or shut up. To prove that my newfound faith is more than fluff and feathers. And I'll admit, my friends, that I'm beyond terrified. But the conviction is strong. God is telling me that he has doors prepared for me to walk through, that he'll take care of everything, and that I need but to trust. Whew!
    I've been plagued, perhaps, by more than my share of physical difficulties. But I've also been blessed with more than my share of talents. And, the most convincing argument I make to myself to act on this conviction is this: If I die tomorrow, how will I explain to my Lord why I let gifts he provided gather dust while his plan went neglected and souls went unsaved? 
    It's time. I need your prayers proabably more than I ever have. I ask God tonight to give me the courage, insight, determination, and physical strength to follow his path. I'll be deep in contemplation and prayer over this.