Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Saturday, May 19, 2012
Blessings Falling Like Rain
There is joy in my heart today!
When I was told I had Cancer, I knew I was in for a bit of a rocky ride on several fronts. So not only did I turn the course and success of my treatment over to God, but, knowing that I'd take a pretty significant hit in the pocketbook, I also put my finances in his hands. I've racked up quite a few medical bills of late, and I've missed a lot of work, so now that I've depleted my reserves I'm in a bit of a tight spot.
Well, wouldn't you know that our awesome God would show up right on time! During my extended absence following the surgery my wonderful friends at work began working on a few fund raising projects on my behalf, and last week when I returned I found that they'd designed a T-Shirt which reads: I Wear (Blue Awareness Ribbon) for Chip - Colon Cancer Awareness, took orders, and sold to date over 100 of them! I mean, WOW! I have at least 100 friends who were willing to kick in for a shirt (also blue wrist bands)! And they've now had so many other requests that they're getting up another order! I was, to put it mildly, overwhelmed.
This week the radiology center where I work hosted it's annual BBQ picnic as a "Thank You" to all of the local medical offices we serve, and there were a LOT of those t-shirts in the crowd.
So right now, not despite but because of the disease, I'm being blessed. Not only has God come through for me, but He's filled me to overflowing!
Here's what I've learned from all this:
- I asked long ago that He'd help me overcome my pride. Pride is a biggie for me in terms of spiritual hurdles. Well, I can't imagine a situation that would serve to convince a person that they're not really sovereign over his or her own life than a major illness. You might have been quite a competent captain of your ship, amassed wealth, and climbed the ladder of success, sat in an exalted position, but nobody is more than one doctors visit away from having all that Earthy security come crashing down. So, this illness has helped me down the road towards humility.
- In the same way it's brought me to a deeper understanding of HOW MUCH I NEED HIM. Yes, I'm reminded daily of my helplessness. And in that helplessness I call out to Him. Draw closer to Him. Depend on Him. And this has the happy effect of bring me into a much more intimate relationship with Him. No down side there!
- My humility is also aided by the fact that for the first time in my life it's me that needs assistance. I'll admit that there's a sense of pride that wants me to refuse the gifts of my friends because it puts me on the other side of the circumstance. Of course, I'd never have been so ungracious as to do anything other than thankfully accept their gift, but that thought was there. As my wise brother-in-law Randy pointed out to me, if I refuse to accept someone's gift then I deny them their blessing. Well, yeah! And I believe that God is using this to help me remember that I'm just another human and not so far above anyone that I can't find myself in need.
- I've found out just how many friends I have! I have been the blessed recipient of a tidal wave of love recently. Everyday I'm bowled over by this outpouring of love and support, and I guess I never realized how many people I touch in the course of my daily job. So far about 110 t-shirts were sold, and once others saw them, they expressed a desire to get one too. So my wonderful friends Panda, Denise, and Virgen are currently putting together another order. It's just so humbling and heart-warming to bask in this!
So, I these days I feel much like George Bailey in It's A Wonderful Life at the point where he comes home to find the entire town rallying to his aid and realizes he's the richest man in town - in friends.
It may sound like pure insanity to a non-believer, but I have to say that Cancer, as ugly as it is, has also brought me more blessings into my life than pain. I praise my God for this!
When I was told I had Cancer, I knew I was in for a bit of a rocky ride on several fronts. So not only did I turn the course and success of my treatment over to God, but, knowing that I'd take a pretty significant hit in the pocketbook, I also put my finances in his hands. I've racked up quite a few medical bills of late, and I've missed a lot of work, so now that I've depleted my reserves I'm in a bit of a tight spot.
Well, wouldn't you know that our awesome God would show up right on time! During my extended absence following the surgery my wonderful friends at work began working on a few fund raising projects on my behalf, and last week when I returned I found that they'd designed a T-Shirt which reads: I Wear (Blue Awareness Ribbon) for Chip - Colon Cancer Awareness, took orders, and sold to date over 100 of them! I mean, WOW! I have at least 100 friends who were willing to kick in for a shirt (also blue wrist bands)! And they've now had so many other requests that they're getting up another order! I was, to put it mildly, overwhelmed.
 |
| Some of my wonderful work pals sporting Chip shirts |
This week the radiology center where I work hosted it's annual BBQ picnic as a "Thank You" to all of the local medical offices we serve, and there were a LOT of those t-shirts in the crowd.
So right now, not despite but because of the disease, I'm being blessed. Not only has God come through for me, but He's filled me to overflowing!
Here's what I've learned from all this:
- I asked long ago that He'd help me overcome my pride. Pride is a biggie for me in terms of spiritual hurdles. Well, I can't imagine a situation that would serve to convince a person that they're not really sovereign over his or her own life than a major illness. You might have been quite a competent captain of your ship, amassed wealth, and climbed the ladder of success, sat in an exalted position, but nobody is more than one doctors visit away from having all that Earthy security come crashing down. So, this illness has helped me down the road towards humility.
 |
| My Daughter in Law Christie |
- My humility is also aided by the fact that for the first time in my life it's me that needs assistance. I'll admit that there's a sense of pride that wants me to refuse the gifts of my friends because it puts me on the other side of the circumstance. Of course, I'd never have been so ungracious as to do anything other than thankfully accept their gift, but that thought was there. As my wise brother-in-law Randy pointed out to me, if I refuse to accept someone's gift then I deny them their blessing. Well, yeah! And I believe that God is using this to help me remember that I'm just another human and not so far above anyone that I can't find myself in need.
- I've found out just how many friends I have! I have been the blessed recipient of a tidal wave of love recently. Everyday I'm bowled over by this outpouring of love and support, and I guess I never realized how many people I touch in the course of my daily job. So far about 110 t-shirts were sold, and once others saw them, they expressed a desire to get one too. So my wonderful friends Panda, Denise, and Virgen are currently putting together another order. It's just so humbling and heart-warming to bask in this!
So, I these days I feel much like George Bailey in It's A Wonderful Life at the point where he comes home to find the entire town rallying to his aid and realizes he's the richest man in town - in friends.
It may sound like pure insanity to a non-believer, but I have to say that Cancer, as ugly as it is, has also brought me more blessings into my life than pain. I praise my God for this!
Saturday, May 5, 2012
Eli
I worked as a table volunteer at a Compassion event at the Chattanooga Choo Choo convention center in last week. There was some mix-up, and the event coordinator who was supposed to be there was in some other part of the country. So the Compassion staff member who drew the short straw and had to drive in from Nashville with about 20 minutes notice was a guy named Eli. When he finally got there he was full of good humor - I mean he never stopped with the jokes for a second. Very nice guy who went on and on about how essential volunteers are to Compassion and how great it was for him to find all the displays in place and the table set up. A very enjoyable guy to be around. I liked him instantly.
At some point he casually mentioned that he'd been a Christian recording artist back in the late 90s. So that night I looked him up on the Internets and was pretty blown away. I really like his music. And I mean really...not just because I liked the man first. So, here's a couple of YouTube clips.
(I also met a Ugandan woman named Olive who had been a sponsored child. What a treat that was, and I'm not ashamed to admit that I had to concentrate very intensely in order not to cry when she was giving her testimony before the audience that night. You know, southern male pride and all that :)
At some point he casually mentioned that he'd been a Christian recording artist back in the late 90s. So that night I looked him up on the Internets and was pretty blown away. I really like his music. And I mean really...not just because I liked the man first. So, here's a couple of YouTube clips.
(I also met a Ugandan woman named Olive who had been a sponsored child. What a treat that was, and I'm not ashamed to admit that I had to concentrate very intensely in order not to cry when she was giving her testimony before the audience that night. You know, southern male pride and all that :)
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
"Top Down" or "Bottom Up"?
The more I learn about Compassion International's mission and philosophies the more I'm convinced that I've made the right move partnering with them. And one thing I heard on a training video that really stuck me was this statement: "Compassion believes that rarely do changed circumstances changes hearts, but changed hearts nearly always change circumstances." Eureka, thought I!
That one sentence sums up the fundamental difference between the "top down" and "bottom up" efforts to effect human change. Beginning in the 1960s we set out to wage a "war on poverty" here in the United States. Lyndon Johnson set in motion a whole bundle of programs and agencies designed to eradicate both urban and rural poverty right here in our own backyard. Welfare, The Department of Housing and Urban Development, the food stamp program, W.I.C., and many other "ABC" departments were created and went right to work on "top down" projects in nearly every city in the country. It was thought that if the poor were relieved of the constant pressure of their hand to mouth conditions that they would then be at liberty move forward and upward toward prosperity. A laudable goal, to be sure!
But sadly forty plus years and untold trillions of dollars in we can see that this approach didn't work. Not only was what we call poverty in this country not eradicated, but it seems to have only grown in depth and breadth - exponentially. There are gains that have been realized. For example, without a doubt programs that feed those in need have created a circumstance where rarely is any child in need in the U.S. without potential resources. This is good. And true homelessness, though given a great deal of exposure in the press, is a rarity. Also good! But for every positive in this situation the negatives are legion.
For me the most glaring example of the failure of "top down" programs was the Cabrini Green housing development in Chicago. Hailed as a triumph before even the first spade of earth was turned, Cabrini Green was to have been a symbol of hope for all of Chicago's poor. Decent housing was to become a reality for thousands, so blocks of sub-standard, slum housing were razed and soon the towers soared above the neighborhood.
But in short order the cracks in the "top down" logic began to show. Vandalism took a quick toll on the aesthetic value of the property. And the criminal element never so much as momentarily hesitated to venture into the supposedly enlightened confines of the project. And as the years wore on the problems only multiplied, hardened, and metastasized.
End the end this monument to America's commitment to the war on poverty had become a symbol of degradation, urban crime, municipal neglect, rot, and failure. Cabrini had become the most dangerous neighborhood in Chicago, if not the country. It had become uninhabitable. The last of the buildings was torn down in 2011. Not a stone remains of the dream of Cabrini Green.*
"Rarely do changed circumstances change hearts,"
Now let's look at a "bottom up" approach. It's Compassion's view that only by truly changing hearts can the cycle of poverty be broken. Understand that along with the physical poverty of hunger, need for clothing, shelter, medical care, etc lies a deeper form of poverty - the poverty of the heart.
I'm talking about the internalized hopelessness that can overcome a child raised in these circumstances. The loss of any hope (and perhaps even knowledge) that there could be anything better for that child beyond the want, death, and violence into which they were born. And this is tragic. It's the loss of a person. Hope, you see, is the lifeblood of the soul.
But one thing all parents understand is that there is time in a child's life when they are pure and innocent and even joyful almost irregardless of what's going on around them. And if a child can be reached during that critical window of opportunity, her destiny can be changed. A hope can be planted that won't be extinguished.
Which is where Compassion comes in. For the past 60 years Compassion has been in the mission field working diligently to reach those precious hearts and change the story for millions of children - one willing sponsor/one child at a time. In Jesus' name. They now operate in twenty-six countries world wide by partnering with local churches in the areas served. In fact, they only work with the church because Compassion believes that the church is the only institution set forth by God to complete his work on Earth. So rather than compete with them, they partner with and strengthen them.
And it's within the walls of these church run school projects that Compassion children can find hope. A sponsored child will receive an education, nourishing meals (and what a load off of the shoulders of a parent struggling to feed several children on $1 a day that must be!), medical care, clothing and school supplies. And most importantly of all, they will learn about our Savior. As Christians we understand that the child who grows up without knowledge of Jesus is in possession of the most impoverished heart of all.
If a child shows talent and potential they may advance to the university via Compassion's Leadership Development Program. And if a child needs life-saving heart surgery there's a fund for that. Today Compassion even begins it's relationship with children while they're still in the womb through it's Child Survival Program. And by answering Christ's call to care for the "least of these" Compassion's "bottom up" approach gets results.
Imagine that a charities resources were used to build a school building. Yes, it would be a positive good. But it's only a building after all, and in time it will begin to crumble. Furthermore, if the local community failed to feel any sense of "ownership" towards it it may very well become a target of vandals and thieves. Under the best of circumstances the building would only have a useful life span of a few decades.
Now imagine that the same resources were "child based", as are Compassion's, and spent directly for the benefit of the children in need. No new building is erected (although it might be) because the existing local church runs the school. The child will find himself fed, clothed, educated, and loved. Loved by a Christian sponsor in some far away land. He understands Christ's love deeply as a direct recipient of the outpouring of that love, and, hopefully, he will come to accept him as his savior. And he begins to see a world beyond his own. He receives encouragement and is given the tools to raise himself up. In the end you'll most likely end up with a confident, educated, empowered, Christian adult.
Further imagine that he marries a Christian woman and they start a family. Now multiply that couple several times according to the number of sponsored children in that community - can you see where this is going? You now have Christian families, prospering ,hopefully, where before only hopelessness lived. Men and women who now have the tools to make a decent living, the health the exploit that opportunity, and a strong spiritual and moral backbone.
Which of these two scenarios would you imagine to have the most long lasting impact on an impoverished village?
"...but changed hearts almost always change circumstances."
That one sentence sums up the fundamental difference between the "top down" and "bottom up" efforts to effect human change. Beginning in the 1960s we set out to wage a "war on poverty" here in the United States. Lyndon Johnson set in motion a whole bundle of programs and agencies designed to eradicate both urban and rural poverty right here in our own backyard. Welfare, The Department of Housing and Urban Development, the food stamp program, W.I.C., and many other "ABC" departments were created and went right to work on "top down" projects in nearly every city in the country. It was thought that if the poor were relieved of the constant pressure of their hand to mouth conditions that they would then be at liberty move forward and upward toward prosperity. A laudable goal, to be sure!
But sadly forty plus years and untold trillions of dollars in we can see that this approach didn't work. Not only was what we call poverty in this country not eradicated, but it seems to have only grown in depth and breadth - exponentially. There are gains that have been realized. For example, without a doubt programs that feed those in need have created a circumstance where rarely is any child in need in the U.S. without potential resources. This is good. And true homelessness, though given a great deal of exposure in the press, is a rarity. Also good! But for every positive in this situation the negatives are legion.
For me the most glaring example of the failure of "top down" programs was the Cabrini Green housing development in Chicago. Hailed as a triumph before even the first spade of earth was turned, Cabrini Green was to have been a symbol of hope for all of Chicago's poor. Decent housing was to become a reality for thousands, so blocks of sub-standard, slum housing were razed and soon the towers soared above the neighborhood.
But in short order the cracks in the "top down" logic began to show. Vandalism took a quick toll on the aesthetic value of the property. And the criminal element never so much as momentarily hesitated to venture into the supposedly enlightened confines of the project. And as the years wore on the problems only multiplied, hardened, and metastasized.
End the end this monument to America's commitment to the war on poverty had become a symbol of degradation, urban crime, municipal neglect, rot, and failure. Cabrini had become the most dangerous neighborhood in Chicago, if not the country. It had become uninhabitable. The last of the buildings was torn down in 2011. Not a stone remains of the dream of Cabrini Green.*
"Rarely do changed circumstances change hearts,"
Now let's look at a "bottom up" approach. It's Compassion's view that only by truly changing hearts can the cycle of poverty be broken. Understand that along with the physical poverty of hunger, need for clothing, shelter, medical care, etc lies a deeper form of poverty - the poverty of the heart.
I'm talking about the internalized hopelessness that can overcome a child raised in these circumstances. The loss of any hope (and perhaps even knowledge) that there could be anything better for that child beyond the want, death, and violence into which they were born. And this is tragic. It's the loss of a person. Hope, you see, is the lifeblood of the soul.
But one thing all parents understand is that there is time in a child's life when they are pure and innocent and even joyful almost irregardless of what's going on around them. And if a child can be reached during that critical window of opportunity, her destiny can be changed. A hope can be planted that won't be extinguished.
Which is where Compassion comes in. For the past 60 years Compassion has been in the mission field working diligently to reach those precious hearts and change the story for millions of children - one willing sponsor/one child at a time. In Jesus' name. They now operate in twenty-six countries world wide by partnering with local churches in the areas served. In fact, they only work with the church because Compassion believes that the church is the only institution set forth by God to complete his work on Earth. So rather than compete with them, they partner with and strengthen them.
And it's within the walls of these church run school projects that Compassion children can find hope. A sponsored child will receive an education, nourishing meals (and what a load off of the shoulders of a parent struggling to feed several children on $1 a day that must be!), medical care, clothing and school supplies. And most importantly of all, they will learn about our Savior. As Christians we understand that the child who grows up without knowledge of Jesus is in possession of the most impoverished heart of all.
If a child shows talent and potential they may advance to the university via Compassion's Leadership Development Program. And if a child needs life-saving heart surgery there's a fund for that. Today Compassion even begins it's relationship with children while they're still in the womb through it's Child Survival Program. And by answering Christ's call to care for the "least of these" Compassion's "bottom up" approach gets results.
Imagine that a charities resources were used to build a school building. Yes, it would be a positive good. But it's only a building after all, and in time it will begin to crumble. Furthermore, if the local community failed to feel any sense of "ownership" towards it it may very well become a target of vandals and thieves. Under the best of circumstances the building would only have a useful life span of a few decades.
Now imagine that the same resources were "child based", as are Compassion's, and spent directly for the benefit of the children in need. No new building is erected (although it might be) because the existing local church runs the school. The child will find himself fed, clothed, educated, and loved. Loved by a Christian sponsor in some far away land. He understands Christ's love deeply as a direct recipient of the outpouring of that love, and, hopefully, he will come to accept him as his savior. And he begins to see a world beyond his own. He receives encouragement and is given the tools to raise himself up. In the end you'll most likely end up with a confident, educated, empowered, Christian adult.
Further imagine that he marries a Christian woman and they start a family. Now multiply that couple several times according to the number of sponsored children in that community - can you see where this is going? You now have Christian families, prospering ,hopefully, where before only hopelessness lived. Men and women who now have the tools to make a decent living, the health the exploit that opportunity, and a strong spiritual and moral backbone.
Which of these two scenarios would you imagine to have the most long lasting impact on an impoverished village?
"...but changed hearts almost always change circumstances."
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Random Late Night Thoughts
The chemotherapy brings on insomnia, so I think I'll post a few 2am thoughts:
* Nothing about this Christian trek has been what I thought it would be. Having bought into the modern version of the Gospel, I fully expected that when I was saved that it would be like waking up on a cloud in a dream. What it was actually like was being jarred awake to find that you're in the middle of a savage battlefield that you never knew was raging around you. Within minutes of the moment I was certain of my salvation, the enemy was hurling mortar rounds on my head - and he hasn't let up for one second since.
* I honestly expected to find churches filled with a greater sense of mission and overflowing with the Holy Spirit. But apathy seems to be the predominate attitude.
*It amazes me that folks who've been attending church for decades don't understand Jesus. I had an acquaintance who was literally shocked and dismayed when I suggested that his ex-wife could be redeemed if she repented and gave his heart to Christ. The notion of grace had managed to escape him after 40 plus years of Sunday School.
*(I don't know why I'm amazed. Men in the 1950s Mississippi and 2008 Chicago have preached racial hated in Jesus name. Talk about not getting it!)
*My greatest hope is deep intimacy with Christ. My greatest wish was that I were healthy enough to take to the mission field in his name.
* Nothing about this Christian trek has been what I thought it would be. Having bought into the modern version of the Gospel, I fully expected that when I was saved that it would be like waking up on a cloud in a dream. What it was actually like was being jarred awake to find that you're in the middle of a savage battlefield that you never knew was raging around you. Within minutes of the moment I was certain of my salvation, the enemy was hurling mortar rounds on my head - and he hasn't let up for one second since.
* I honestly expected to find churches filled with a greater sense of mission and overflowing with the Holy Spirit. But apathy seems to be the predominate attitude.
*It amazes me that folks who've been attending church for decades don't understand Jesus. I had an acquaintance who was literally shocked and dismayed when I suggested that his ex-wife could be redeemed if she repented and gave his heart to Christ. The notion of grace had managed to escape him after 40 plus years of Sunday School.
*(I don't know why I'm amazed. Men in the 1950s Mississippi and 2008 Chicago have preached racial hated in Jesus name. Talk about not getting it!)
*My greatest hope is deep intimacy with Christ. My greatest wish was that I were healthy enough to take to the mission field in his name.
Monday, April 23, 2012
The "C" word
Today was my first chemotherapy session. Not bad, so far. I feel just a little weak at this point. And I'm consistently told that this regimen isn't nearly as drastic as others - what Melanie went through with her breast cancer for example.
Anyway, even though they kept me a bit fuzzy brained with Benadryl, I had plenty of time to think about the disease and my immediate future. The fact is that my future with this is still uncertain. As I gather from looking it up on-line, I have about an even-steven chance of surviving this for any length of time. This prodigals walk may be nearing home, or I may have a good way to go yet. I'll say again that I'm not anxious about it as I wrote a couple of posts ago.
But right now I'm feeling as though this experience of having a potentially fatal disease was designed, in part at least, as a swift kick in the backside for me. I've been sort of waiting for something pretty major to assigned to me by Him for His work. And this season should serve as a NOT SO SUBTLE reminder that time is of the essence (for all of us!) and that I'd best be getting along on His business.
In a case of probably not so coincidental timing, I'd answered the conviction to become involved with Compassion as a volunteer advocate about a month before the diagnosis came. And with my newly appreciated sense of the brevity of our time I'm more eager than ever to get busy. So, just as I get this push from behind, I also have set in place a plan. Not by accident, I suspect.
Perhaps Compassion with be the whole of the ministry assigned to me, or maybe there will be other things later. In either case He has a willing servant in me.
The course of my treatment will be a chemo treatment every two weeks for six months. I'm feeling pretty confident that He's not done with me and expects me to finally use the abilities He's generously given me to good effect. (but, with just a couple of tallents for now - not too big!) Time will tell how the treatment will effect my ability to vigorously carry out that work over the next few months. But there's little doubt that if he sends me out, I'll be sent out with the energy and vigor required.
Time to ROCK!
Anyway, even though they kept me a bit fuzzy brained with Benadryl, I had plenty of time to think about the disease and my immediate future. The fact is that my future with this is still uncertain. As I gather from looking it up on-line, I have about an even-steven chance of surviving this for any length of time. This prodigals walk may be nearing home, or I may have a good way to go yet. I'll say again that I'm not anxious about it as I wrote a couple of posts ago.
But right now I'm feeling as though this experience of having a potentially fatal disease was designed, in part at least, as a swift kick in the backside for me. I've been sort of waiting for something pretty major to assigned to me by Him for His work. And this season should serve as a NOT SO SUBTLE reminder that time is of the essence (for all of us!) and that I'd best be getting along on His business.
In a case of probably not so coincidental timing, I'd answered the conviction to become involved with Compassion as a volunteer advocate about a month before the diagnosis came. And with my newly appreciated sense of the brevity of our time I'm more eager than ever to get busy. So, just as I get this push from behind, I also have set in place a plan. Not by accident, I suspect.
Perhaps Compassion with be the whole of the ministry assigned to me, or maybe there will be other things later. In either case He has a willing servant in me.
The course of my treatment will be a chemo treatment every two weeks for six months. I'm feeling pretty confident that He's not done with me and expects me to finally use the abilities He's generously given me to good effect. (but, with just a couple of tallents for now - not too big!) Time will tell how the treatment will effect my ability to vigorously carry out that work over the next few months. But there's little doubt that if he sends me out, I'll be sent out with the energy and vigor required.
Time to ROCK!
Staying "On The Wall"
Over the past couple of days I've been blessed with a huge opportunity to learn and grow as a Christian. To put it bluntly, I fell spectacularly on my face with my Compassion Sunday presentation. After turning the entire event and the response to it over to God, I did my thing during the Sunday Morning service yesterday and then didn't see a single child sponsored. I got a few browsers, had a couple of folks take a brochure, and had a Sunday School teacher say she intended to speak with her class about collectively sponsoring one. But there were no takers at the table.
And I'll admit that this was a blow - at first. I was so jazzed in the morning when I was hurrying around setting up the display and coordinating the photos and videos with the tech team (my pastor!). The day promised great things, and I've been feeling very strongly about my advocacy with Compassion. So I really expected God to send at least a few takers, if not twenty, my way. But, nada.
The difference between being saved and unsaved for Me was that even while feeling the sting as a Christian I recognized that the enemy was working on me to instill a sense of total defeat and get me to "come off the wall" to borrow from the story of Nehemiah. As His child I now know to step back, take a breath, and leave the previous man in his place - the past.
So I did pray for calm, acceptance, perseverance, and discernment, and also that He'd aid me in quelling that awful self-pity that's crippled me all my life.
And, I think it was God who led me to post about it on the Southeast Compassion Advocacy Facebook page. Boy was that ever a good thing to do. These more experienced advocates (not to mention more mature Christians) just got right to work lifting me up and providing that much needed sense of perspective I was praying for. A true blessing they!
So, last night and all day today (didn't have to work) I had the opportunity to review it all and try to understand why things might have gone this way.
What I Did:
I prayed beforehand and turned the entire thing over to God. Not just that He would just take over during the presentation, but that He'd open hearts. I did, indeed, feel that he gave me calm and a steady voice and spoke through me during the presentation. Basically, I obeyed the call to speak out, and that alone is a huge victory.
What Happened:
As it turned out, my pastor decided to turn "Compassion Sunday" into a broader day of sharing he called "Passion Sunday" with testimonies including one other fellow church member who was representing another very worthy charity. In all the service ran 45 minutes over time, and before my friend could get to where she was going to be greeting and taking donations she was swamped RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY TABLE. So that obviously hindered anyone getting to my display to check it out. (Not her fault of course. Love her!)
Also, ours is a modestly sized congregation in an economically disadvantaged area. Plenty of members are barely scraping by, and we're also lopsidedly elderly. So, not the most perfect scenario for a presentation from the start.
What I Know:
God has given me this ministry. My job is to work to remind Christians that our "treasure" isn't really ours as long as there is suffering and need in the world. And he's specifically connected me to work with Compassion International.
What I Don't Know:
Well, there are plenty of things I don't know. First us is the obvious idea of having planted seeds. Sure, I have no way of knowing who might act later under the conviction of the Spirit. And another thing that's not knowable is whether He had a greater cause in mind. Perhaps He's already moved the wealthier Christian's in my church to commit the lion's share of their funds elsewhere. I have no idea. And it may be that he felt that the other charity was more in need in this circumstance.
I could go on all day on the question of "what I don't know," but you get the point. He may have been, and almost certainly was, working for the greater good during our service.
What I Learned:
Well, first off I was reminded that He's going to make me work for it. If anything has characterized this new Christian's relationship with the Father it's that I'm not going to get an inch of slack! And I understand that this is most likely because He understands what I need to experience in order to finally begin to "get it" a little. So, for me joining Christ has meant a constant uphill battle with the enemy's snipers behind every rock.
I also was reminded not to isolate. I felt moved to share my disappointment with the advocacy network, and, as I said, that immediately set my ship right again. I always need to remember that I'm part of The Body, and to never try to go it alone.
I gained, I hope, a goodly dose of humility. And boy do I ever need a steady dose of that!
And I hope I learned patience. I recently read about a missionary to India who labored in obscurity for 40+ years before seeing a single soul converted. Patience, Chip, Patience.
Where I Am Now:
Well, my confidence and zeal for this ministry is renewed. My wife and new friends from the advocacy network came to my aid with sage advice when I was feeling pretty down about it. So I'm setting a goal to contact at least one pastor about possibly arranging a presentation some time hopefully soon.
If you were one of those who came to my aid, THANK YOU!
(Next up: What I think He's revealing to me with the cancer.)
And I'll admit that this was a blow - at first. I was so jazzed in the morning when I was hurrying around setting up the display and coordinating the photos and videos with the tech team (my pastor!). The day promised great things, and I've been feeling very strongly about my advocacy with Compassion. So I really expected God to send at least a few takers, if not twenty, my way. But, nada.
The difference between being saved and unsaved for Me was that even while feeling the sting as a Christian I recognized that the enemy was working on me to instill a sense of total defeat and get me to "come off the wall" to borrow from the story of Nehemiah. As His child I now know to step back, take a breath, and leave the previous man in his place - the past.
So I did pray for calm, acceptance, perseverance, and discernment, and also that He'd aid me in quelling that awful self-pity that's crippled me all my life.
And, I think it was God who led me to post about it on the Southeast Compassion Advocacy Facebook page. Boy was that ever a good thing to do. These more experienced advocates (not to mention more mature Christians) just got right to work lifting me up and providing that much needed sense of perspective I was praying for. A true blessing they!
So, last night and all day today (didn't have to work) I had the opportunity to review it all and try to understand why things might have gone this way.
What I Did:
I prayed beforehand and turned the entire thing over to God. Not just that He would just take over during the presentation, but that He'd open hearts. I did, indeed, feel that he gave me calm and a steady voice and spoke through me during the presentation. Basically, I obeyed the call to speak out, and that alone is a huge victory.
What Happened:
As it turned out, my pastor decided to turn "Compassion Sunday" into a broader day of sharing he called "Passion Sunday" with testimonies including one other fellow church member who was representing another very worthy charity. In all the service ran 45 minutes over time, and before my friend could get to where she was going to be greeting and taking donations she was swamped RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY TABLE. So that obviously hindered anyone getting to my display to check it out. (Not her fault of course. Love her!)
Also, ours is a modestly sized congregation in an economically disadvantaged area. Plenty of members are barely scraping by, and we're also lopsidedly elderly. So, not the most perfect scenario for a presentation from the start.
What I Know:
God has given me this ministry. My job is to work to remind Christians that our "treasure" isn't really ours as long as there is suffering and need in the world. And he's specifically connected me to work with Compassion International.
What I Don't Know:
Well, there are plenty of things I don't know. First us is the obvious idea of having planted seeds. Sure, I have no way of knowing who might act later under the conviction of the Spirit. And another thing that's not knowable is whether He had a greater cause in mind. Perhaps He's already moved the wealthier Christian's in my church to commit the lion's share of their funds elsewhere. I have no idea. And it may be that he felt that the other charity was more in need in this circumstance.
I could go on all day on the question of "what I don't know," but you get the point. He may have been, and almost certainly was, working for the greater good during our service.
What I Learned:
Well, first off I was reminded that He's going to make me work for it. If anything has characterized this new Christian's relationship with the Father it's that I'm not going to get an inch of slack! And I understand that this is most likely because He understands what I need to experience in order to finally begin to "get it" a little. So, for me joining Christ has meant a constant uphill battle with the enemy's snipers behind every rock.
I also was reminded not to isolate. I felt moved to share my disappointment with the advocacy network, and, as I said, that immediately set my ship right again. I always need to remember that I'm part of The Body, and to never try to go it alone.
I gained, I hope, a goodly dose of humility. And boy do I ever need a steady dose of that!
And I hope I learned patience. I recently read about a missionary to India who labored in obscurity for 40+ years before seeing a single soul converted. Patience, Chip, Patience.
Where I Am Now:
Well, my confidence and zeal for this ministry is renewed. My wife and new friends from the advocacy network came to my aid with sage advice when I was feeling pretty down about it. So I'm setting a goal to contact at least one pastor about possibly arranging a presentation some time hopefully soon.
If you were one of those who came to my aid, THANK YOU!
(Next up: What I think He's revealing to me with the cancer.)
Thursday, April 19, 2012
It's really not my money. Really.
(I pray that this post won't be taken as, and, indeed, will not in fact be, an exercise in spiritual pride. I boast of nothing here. It's all him, and left to myself I'd never have budged one millimeter from my fleshly, materialist baseline. Praise Him!)
1 John, 3:17
If anyone has this world's good and sees his brother in need but closes his eyes to his need - how can God's love reside in him? (HCSB)
That new car smell. What could be better than breathing in the heady aroma of a pristine automobile with 10 miles showing on the odometer as you pull out of the lot as a new owner. Yeah, it's a pretty good sensation - while it lasts. But soon enough that new car smell begins to fade and the miles add up and you realize one day that the thrill is gone but the loan obligation isn't. Oy!
How many times have I fallen into that trap? Several, yet whenever the old car was finally paid off and growing a bit elderly I always seemed to persuade myself that the only thing to be done was to run down to the dealership and jump right back into debt. Like a moonstruck lover able to ignore the glaring deficiencies in the object of his affection, I allowed myself to be seduced, again and again, by the fresh sexiness of the next new car. And I never failed to regret it as the years of high insurance premiums and loan payments wore on!
Yes, I was into stuff - plain and simple. And it didn't have to be new cars. I've lusted over new boats, electronics, motorcycles, guitars, fishing gear, clothes, gadgets, toys, and whatsits of every description. And it was embarrassingly late in life that I realized that the stuff owned me and not vice-versa. The obvious end game of a materialist is to amass stuff. More stuff. Better stuff than your peers. "Man, if I only had a house by the water, a bay boat and a new truck to pull it with I wouldn't need anything else!" Happiness seem to always to lie with obtaining just a few more possessions beyond what I had.
But even prior to my salvation , I was beginning to understand that I had never achieved happiness through anything I'd ever owned. Sure, I've enjoyed many possessions, but I can't think of a single thing I longed to own that satisfied me once I owned it no matter how fervently I'd lusted after it.. Not one. Happiness wasn't achieved through ownership.
And then I gave my heart to Jesus Who was prone to saying things like: "...woe to you who are rich, because you have received your comfort" and told a parable of a rich man who ignored the suffering of the poor man at his gate only to find himself seeking just a single drop of water to ease his own eternal suffering. It was obvious that this new Savior of mine took a decidedly dim view of materialism and self-indulgence.
My new faith has revolutionized my view on possessions and wealth.These days I'm finding it odd that I ever cared about possessions to begin with, so antithetical is materialism to my current mind set. ( In fact, it's my opinion that it's in this area that spiritual change is most evident in my life.)
Today my main vehicle is a pretty rough looking 1989 Buick Regal that I bought for $800.The paint is pealing off of it, and it's missing a hub cap. I was pretty reluctant to buy this, but my wife felt a bit of conviction about it, so I went for it. And it's proven to be a good move. I have a Dodge pick up that I finished paying for about a year and a half ago, and while it's spacious, has a working air conditioner, it gets fully half the gas mileage of the Buick. So the Buick Bomber, for all it's shabby glory, is a money saver. And it serves as an outward symbol of the work God has done in my heart. I would never have driven an "old lady car" before. My self-indulgent desire for the new and shiny and my pride wouldn't have permitted it.
The shift that took place for me was that I discovered that "my" money isn't mine at all. It's His, and when I fully digested that fact all of my chasing after possessions suddenly seemed especially ridiculous. He's master of all. Creator of all. I have nothing that He didn't give me. If I live in a prosperous country and have the ability to make a living, then it's by His good grace. All of that could be snatched away in a heartbeat. Any of us could experience a stroke tonight and be paralyzed by morning. A heart attack could kill any of us before we reach the end of this sentence. We could get caught in an ill-timed downsizing, lose our jobs, and never again be able to ever earn at that level. We prosper at his pleasure.
Not everybody gets this, as this fun scene from the classic Civil War epic Shenandoah illustrates:
Anyway, once you've reached the conclusion that none of what's yours is actually yours it's impossible not to recognize the glaring truth about we comfortable westerners: We Just Don't Get It! As Christians how is it we could turn a blind eye the plight of the poor while indulging ourselves? Do we assume that since God has blessed us He means for us to always have the newest, hottest, bestest? Or, as the "Pastors Perspective" video that I posted a few posts back asks, "If Jesus was here today and had $50,000 would he waste it on an automobile?" No, he wouldn't. I ask: would he have a $10,000 surround sound entertainment center in his living room? No! He wouldn't even have a living room!
Obviously the point I'm trying to get at is that Christians are expected...no, more than that...are explicitly instructed to live modestly and give. "Enough" doesn't mean enough to keep up with the American standard of comfort. Enough simply means enough.
Over a year ago I read "Radical" by David Platt, and was initially pretty ticked off. David challenges complacent Christians to wake up and understand exactly what kind of devotion this amazing Savior expects from us. As one of the comfortable he was afflicting, I was actually angry and put down the book a few chapters in. (threw down is more like it) But God was speaking to me through David, and I eventually picked it up and finished it. I decided that he is exactly right. Jesus never meant for his followers to wallow in materialism while children starve. I highly recommend this book, but be warned: It will rattle your cage!
http://www.lifeway.com/Product/Radical-taking-back-your-faith-from-the-american-dream-P005305152
Right now my wife Melanie and I are having to face the consequences of having not heeded this truth. I lived outside of God's will for fifty years, and that meant plenty of time to make huge financial mistakes. I take this a discipline thing: God is allowing us an opportunity to learn from those mistakes. But I know that, with His help, we will soon breathe free of the burden of debt. And, having been brought to a place of crystal clear understanding on the subject, we will dedicate the Lion's share of our income to the work of His kingdom. Prayerful stewardship will be our new modus operandi.
Thank you, Father, for waking me from my torpor, and I pray that you'll lead me on to freedom.
1 John, 3:17
If anyone has this world's good and sees his brother in need but closes his eyes to his need - how can God's love reside in him? (HCSB)
That new car smell. What could be better than breathing in the heady aroma of a pristine automobile with 10 miles showing on the odometer as you pull out of the lot as a new owner. Yeah, it's a pretty good sensation - while it lasts. But soon enough that new car smell begins to fade and the miles add up and you realize one day that the thrill is gone but the loan obligation isn't. Oy!
How many times have I fallen into that trap? Several, yet whenever the old car was finally paid off and growing a bit elderly I always seemed to persuade myself that the only thing to be done was to run down to the dealership and jump right back into debt. Like a moonstruck lover able to ignore the glaring deficiencies in the object of his affection, I allowed myself to be seduced, again and again, by the fresh sexiness of the next new car. And I never failed to regret it as the years of high insurance premiums and loan payments wore on!
Yes, I was into stuff - plain and simple. And it didn't have to be new cars. I've lusted over new boats, electronics, motorcycles, guitars, fishing gear, clothes, gadgets, toys, and whatsits of every description. And it was embarrassingly late in life that I realized that the stuff owned me and not vice-versa. The obvious end game of a materialist is to amass stuff. More stuff. Better stuff than your peers. "Man, if I only had a house by the water, a bay boat and a new truck to pull it with I wouldn't need anything else!" Happiness seem to always to lie with obtaining just a few more possessions beyond what I had.
But even prior to my salvation , I was beginning to understand that I had never achieved happiness through anything I'd ever owned. Sure, I've enjoyed many possessions, but I can't think of a single thing I longed to own that satisfied me once I owned it no matter how fervently I'd lusted after it.. Not one. Happiness wasn't achieved through ownership.
And then I gave my heart to Jesus Who was prone to saying things like: "...woe to you who are rich, because you have received your comfort" and told a parable of a rich man who ignored the suffering of the poor man at his gate only to find himself seeking just a single drop of water to ease his own eternal suffering. It was obvious that this new Savior of mine took a decidedly dim view of materialism and self-indulgence.
My new faith has revolutionized my view on possessions and wealth.These days I'm finding it odd that I ever cared about possessions to begin with, so antithetical is materialism to my current mind set. ( In fact, it's my opinion that it's in this area that spiritual change is most evident in my life.)
Today my main vehicle is a pretty rough looking 1989 Buick Regal that I bought for $800.The paint is pealing off of it, and it's missing a hub cap. I was pretty reluctant to buy this, but my wife felt a bit of conviction about it, so I went for it. And it's proven to be a good move. I have a Dodge pick up that I finished paying for about a year and a half ago, and while it's spacious, has a working air conditioner, it gets fully half the gas mileage of the Buick. So the Buick Bomber, for all it's shabby glory, is a money saver. And it serves as an outward symbol of the work God has done in my heart. I would never have driven an "old lady car" before. My self-indulgent desire for the new and shiny and my pride wouldn't have permitted it.
The shift that took place for me was that I discovered that "my" money isn't mine at all. It's His, and when I fully digested that fact all of my chasing after possessions suddenly seemed especially ridiculous. He's master of all. Creator of all. I have nothing that He didn't give me. If I live in a prosperous country and have the ability to make a living, then it's by His good grace. All of that could be snatched away in a heartbeat. Any of us could experience a stroke tonight and be paralyzed by morning. A heart attack could kill any of us before we reach the end of this sentence. We could get caught in an ill-timed downsizing, lose our jobs, and never again be able to ever earn at that level. We prosper at his pleasure.
Not everybody gets this, as this fun scene from the classic Civil War epic Shenandoah illustrates:
That was a great scene for developing his character as a rugged individualist, but his understanding of God's sovereignty is a tad deficient!
Anyway, once you've reached the conclusion that none of what's yours is actually yours it's impossible not to recognize the glaring truth about we comfortable westerners: We Just Don't Get It! As Christians how is it we could turn a blind eye the plight of the poor while indulging ourselves? Do we assume that since God has blessed us He means for us to always have the newest, hottest, bestest? Or, as the "Pastors Perspective" video that I posted a few posts back asks, "If Jesus was here today and had $50,000 would he waste it on an automobile?" No, he wouldn't. I ask: would he have a $10,000 surround sound entertainment center in his living room? No! He wouldn't even have a living room!
Obviously the point I'm trying to get at is that Christians are expected...no, more than that...are explicitly instructed to live modestly and give. "Enough" doesn't mean enough to keep up with the American standard of comfort. Enough simply means enough.
Over a year ago I read "Radical" by David Platt, and was initially pretty ticked off. David challenges complacent Christians to wake up and understand exactly what kind of devotion this amazing Savior expects from us. As one of the comfortable he was afflicting, I was actually angry and put down the book a few chapters in. (threw down is more like it) But God was speaking to me through David, and I eventually picked it up and finished it. I decided that he is exactly right. Jesus never meant for his followers to wallow in materialism while children starve. I highly recommend this book, but be warned: It will rattle your cage!
http://www.lifeway.com/Product/Radical-taking-back-your-faith-from-the-american-dream-P005305152
Right now my wife Melanie and I are having to face the consequences of having not heeded this truth. I lived outside of God's will for fifty years, and that meant plenty of time to make huge financial mistakes. I take this a discipline thing: God is allowing us an opportunity to learn from those mistakes. But I know that, with His help, we will soon breathe free of the burden of debt. And, having been brought to a place of crystal clear understanding on the subject, we will dedicate the Lion's share of our income to the work of His kingdom. Prayerful stewardship will be our new modus operandi.
Thank you, Father, for waking me from my torpor, and I pray that you'll lead me on to freedom.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
I'm a Compassion advocate!!!
Compassion Sunday 2012 Elisabeth (short) from Compassion International on Vimeo.
I mentioned a while back that I was feeling moved to become more involved in an organization called Compassion International, a Christian charity devoted to "releasing children from poverty in Jesus' name." Well, that's come about, and I couldn't be more excited to feel that I'm finally deeply involved in His work.
I first became aware of compassion in 1977 when my parents got a mailing from them that included a small vinyl record telling the Compassion story and seeking to generate sponsorship. I actually wanted to get involved then with my meager earnings from my job at a local ice cream parlor, but it wasn't until last year that I finally signed up and began a relationship with a little boy named Jo in Indonesia. It's been a blessing in my life to sponsor him.
So, sponsorship was my first involvement, but I've now ramped that up and am now an advocate for them. This is a wholly volunteer thing that will have me manning tables at concerts and other events and, most importantly, giving presentations before congregations and secular groups. I'll have to be a self-starter on this in order to generate opportunities, but I'm very excited about getting to it.
And I'll get a great opportunity 'test the waters', so to speak, on April 22. That day has been designated as Compassion Sunday, and thousands of volunteers will do presentations before their home congregations that day. I'll be speaking to my church, and I'm praying for a good response. I've written my presentation and practiced it repeatedly. All set!
Anyway, I'll have that opportunity and then start chemotherapy the next day. Soooo, not sure how able I'll be in those six months following the start of that, but I'm confident that he'll open doors for me and provide whatever strength I lack when the time comes to speak.
You can see my profile at Compassion at this link :http://my.compassionsunday.com/chipowens1960
Pray for me on this, friends. I really want a fruitful ministry, and I can use all the pray-ers, I can get!
Thanks!
I first became aware of compassion in 1977 when my parents got a mailing from them that included a small vinyl record telling the Compassion story and seeking to generate sponsorship. I actually wanted to get involved then with my meager earnings from my job at a local ice cream parlor, but it wasn't until last year that I finally signed up and began a relationship with a little boy named Jo in Indonesia. It's been a blessing in my life to sponsor him.
So, sponsorship was my first involvement, but I've now ramped that up and am now an advocate for them. This is a wholly volunteer thing that will have me manning tables at concerts and other events and, most importantly, giving presentations before congregations and secular groups. I'll have to be a self-starter on this in order to generate opportunities, but I'm very excited about getting to it.
And I'll get a great opportunity 'test the waters', so to speak, on April 22. That day has been designated as Compassion Sunday, and thousands of volunteers will do presentations before their home congregations that day. I'll be speaking to my church, and I'm praying for a good response. I've written my presentation and practiced it repeatedly. All set!
Anyway, I'll have that opportunity and then start chemotherapy the next day. Soooo, not sure how able I'll be in those six months following the start of that, but I'm confident that he'll open doors for me and provide whatever strength I lack when the time comes to speak.
You can see my profile at Compassion at this link :http://my.compassionsunday.com/chipowens1960
Pray for me on this, friends. I really want a fruitful ministry, and I can use all the pray-ers, I can get!
Thanks!
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Peace In The Eye Of The Storm
I should be terrified. My entire life I've trembled at the idea of having Cancer. Cancer and car crashes - the two deaths I lived in fear of all along. Yet, the moment day before yesterday when my gastroenterologist delivered the diagnosis of Colon Cancer didn't send me cowering into a corner.
Instead God has infused me with a quadruple dose of His Spirit, and I can testify this morning that I'm anything but fearful. Instead I'm joyful, serene, and hopeful! I'm just in awe! When I needed Him most He came through.
So, I don't know for sure what the future holds. At the very least the surgery I'll be undergoing soon with be painful with a long recovery. My life, no doubt, will be drastically altered in any case, yet I'm overflowing with peace knowing that He's sovereign and holds me in the palm of his hand. I'll be okay!
And already He's given me an opportunity to use this circumstance to do his work. I was asked by a friend, who I've witnessed to in the past, why this diagnosis, coming on the top of having Muscular Dystrophy, didn't send me into a corner in a dark room to whimper? ZING! There was my opportunity to tell him again about the wonderful, peaceful assurance of having Christ in my heart. He quickly changed the subject, but I know that comment hit it's mark.(Pray that my friend's hard heart will be softened!)
If you're reading this I'd appreciate your prayers as well. I'm sort of a whiney sufferer, and the upcoming colon resection promises some tough days. I'm praying that I won't have to undergo chemotherapy. Pray with me, please! Love you guys!
Instead God has infused me with a quadruple dose of His Spirit, and I can testify this morning that I'm anything but fearful. Instead I'm joyful, serene, and hopeful! I'm just in awe! When I needed Him most He came through.
So, I don't know for sure what the future holds. At the very least the surgery I'll be undergoing soon with be painful with a long recovery. My life, no doubt, will be drastically altered in any case, yet I'm overflowing with peace knowing that He's sovereign and holds me in the palm of his hand. I'll be okay!
And already He's given me an opportunity to use this circumstance to do his work. I was asked by a friend, who I've witnessed to in the past, why this diagnosis, coming on the top of having Muscular Dystrophy, didn't send me into a corner in a dark room to whimper? ZING! There was my opportunity to tell him again about the wonderful, peaceful assurance of having Christ in my heart. He quickly changed the subject, but I know that comment hit it's mark.(Pray that my friend's hard heart will be softened!)
If you're reading this I'd appreciate your prayers as well. I'm sort of a whiney sufferer, and the upcoming colon resection promises some tough days. I'm praying that I won't have to undergo chemotherapy. Pray with me, please! Love you guys!
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Qorban
Qorban
Bob Neff - Flute
Don Pleskach - Bass/VocalsVince Peddle - Guitar/Vocals
Bill Graening - Keyboards/Vocals
Silvia Bryan - Violin
Chuck McInnes - Classical and Electric Guitar
In early 1976 I was invited one night to an informal concert in the basement of my church in Green, Ohio. Truth is that when I was invited I was initially reluctant to go. I was new to Ohio and that church, so I didn't know the kids there very well, and until that time the only Christian music I'd ever heard was from the Baptist Hymnal or Southern Gospel - neither of which, to put it in the mildest terms, appealed me in the least. At best I was envisioning some sort of lame Up With People kind of thing.
But Julie, the girl who'd called to invite me, assured me that this was nothing of the sort. I'd like it, she promised. And she was right. What I heard and the people I met were unlike any I'd encountered before. I was surrounded by young, joyful, outspoken Christians - both the band and the kids from the church - and they brought the gospel to me in a way I could hear for the first time. Later that night I encountered Christ personally. (whether that was my moment of salvation or if a seed was planted that would sprout 35 years later, I can't say. You can read about this in excruciating detail in "This Prodigal's Story" on this blogs header).
The band blew me away. I was a budding guitarist myself, and an intense lover of music. These guys were great musicians and song writers - very impressive - and a few of their tunes have stuck in my head right until current times. A couple of weeks later Julie, who was friends with band members, again invited me to hear the band - this time at a coffee house in Cleveland. We rode up with the keyboardist Bill Graening, and I can't begin to tell you how great an experience that was for the fifteen year old I was then. There was just no parallel to this movement of young Christians back in my native North Carolina, and for this misfit kid to find himself immersed in genuine Christian love like I experienced around these folks was, quite literally, a revelation.
So, fast forward a few decades to 2010. After a lifetime of walking outside of God's will, I finally submitted my life fully to Him. (!) This led me to remember back to that night in 1976 and the band Qorban. Wondering whatever became of them I googled the name to see if I might find some mention of them, but came up empty handed. But at the same time I also began to seek out my friend Julie on the net, and there I hit the mark. I found her and we exchanged a flurry of messages about the old times. Of course, our memories of the band were prominently featured. (Getting back in touch with Julie was huge! I counted her as my favorite Ohio friend, but I'd lost track of her after about 1978. I never stopped wondering where she was and what she was doing. So I was just overjoyed to find her again. I love that I've found lots of friends on the Internet that I would have never heard from again in the pre-WWW days.)
Well, turns out that Julie has kept in touch with band member Bob Neff and his wife Donna. The band had recorded an albums worth of original material back in 1980 when it became obvious that Qorban had run it's course and they were all planning to move on. Complaining that her original cassette of that album had become unplayable, Bob was good enough to digitize the cuts from old cassette tapes he had and sent her a CD. To my delight she promptly got a copy into my hands.
Popping it immediately into the CD player I was instantly flooded with memories. Some cuts, like Psalm 40, had stayed with me nearly intact over the years. Others I recognized after hearing them again, and others I'd never heard. Again, the musicianship - vocal and instrumental - and song writing were very impressive. These guys are pros. I recall a couple of covers they did: Larry Norman's The Outlaw, and Didn't He by Randy Matthews, and missed hearing those, but, like I said, this was all original stuff on the CD. There was another tune called Maranatha which is also missing here, so I assume it wasn't a Qorban original. But, it was a very pleasant experience to hear it all again after so long.
It's obvious, listening to the entire CD, that this was a diverse group of musicians. Sometimes they're jazzy, sometimes ethereal, and with Spiritual Railway and Eatin' Beats Pickin' even throw a little country into the mix. Sort of Sea Level (or Sweet Comfort Band) meets Dan Fogelberg meets Poco! But it's mainly just their own sound. And the arrangements are very impressively intricate.The flute and violin lend real uniqueness. (I remembered that these guys were good, but I didn't understand how good at the time!)
The more I listen to this collection the more I'm coming to appreciate it on purely musical merits rather than simply for my nostalgic connection to it. But I do feel connected to the music. I saw Qorban perform twice thirty-six years ago. But since God used them to speak to me, those two encounters have remained vivid in my memory all through the years, and the night I first met them, and Christ, stands out as the single most remarkable of my life. My gratitude toward my friend Julie and the members of this band for being there to plant the seed of salvation in my heart is incalculable.
If you've stumbled upon my humble blog and haven't yet come to know Christ yourself, I hope you will soon.
MORE VIDEO LATER
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
I've lately come under the conviction that I should become more involved with Compassion International. I've sponsored a child for about the past year, but I'd like to contribute my time as well. April 22nd is Compassion Sunday where volunteers around the country will be doing presentations at their local churches urging others to join Compassion in their mission to help as many desperately impoverished children as possible through sponsorship of individual kids or through simple donations. I'll be among the presenters. Please take a moment to watch his and other Compassion videos I'll be posting in the coming weeks. Thanks!
A Pastor's Perspective from Compassion International on Vimeo.
A Pastor's Perspective from Compassion International on Vimeo.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Hopelessly Human
I've been quite silent, blog-wise, for the past few weeks, but I have a pretty good excuse. About a month ago I got a call from my Dad that he was having chest pains. Dad's eighty two, has Lymphoma, and has an over thirty year history of heart disease. Well, in the ER it was discovered that he'd had a small heart attack. (When it's someone you love there's no such thing as a "small" heart attack!).
This led to three hospitalizations, a tricky stent placement, and some pretty dismal days where it seemed doubtful that he'd recover to any significant degree if at all. In fact, there was a point where I was fairly certain I'd never bring him home at all.
During the hospitalizations my sister Lynn and I found ourselves physically taxed way beyond anything resembling our comfort levels. I can't speak for her, but there were times when I was feeling pretty close to the limit of my physical and mental strength. For me this doesn't take much since my standard level of functioning is pretty close to maxed out daily due to Muscular Dystrophy. Add any thing extra, and I'm flagging pretty quickly.
Now the point of all this isn't to whine (though I confess that I'm very prone to doing just that), but to talk about the lessons learned and insights gained during this time.
God reminded all of us of his sovereignty is a very immediate manner. In the midst of a day where things were going pretty well for me, a Friday where I was counting the hours 'till I could go home for the weekend and enjoy my family, there came an abrupt change of plans which kept me from home for nearly the entire next week. And for my sister it was just the same. She suddenly found herself on the way from North Carolina, and wouldn't get home herself for a week and a half. Dad, of course, learned this on a deeper level than anyone. God holds all the cards.
And it was a very real reminder that our busy human plans come to nothing. That our human strength comes to nothing. That we are all, ultimately, helpless before him. Hopelessly human, we are.
For me there came a moment where I realized that I was completely out of resources. I can do nothing to positively affect my own physical condition. I could do nothing to improve my Dad's condition. I was being called upon to shoulder more weight that I could shoulder, and in that moment I had to trust in Him to a greater degree than I ever had before.
At the time it didn't feel like I was getting much help. I cried out to Him for the strength to bear up to the challenge, and just went on feeling exhausted. I was only afterwards that it occurred to me that I had shouldered the load. It never became more than I could bear. He came through.
It occurs to me now that when I plead for His help it isn't, in reality, for simply enough, but enough to allow for my total comfort and then some. I'm asking for my way to be made easy. But we're never offered that guarantee are we? He promises to meet our needs, but not that our road would be soft and level. In fact, anyone paying attention to the gospels will understand that He makes no such promises at all.
It's also occurred to me to consider just how much help we're constantly receiving without even realizing it. I shudder to imagine what I'd face were He to suddenly withdraw and leave me truly alone.
1 Peter refers to our bring refined by fire in the manner that gold is refined. I take these times of stress as just such refinement. I've learned quite a bit about myself - both good and bad, and about God and his modus operandi. He's constantly teaching us. Refining us. And sometimes (usually, I think) that process is something less than the pleasant lesson we'd prefer.
If what has happened with my Dad wasn't enough, my mother in law slipped and fell and cracked a cervical vertebrae (broke her neck, in other words), and after spending a couple of weeks in a very uncomfortable neck brace had to be rushed to the ER last night with an extreme headache. We're still waiting for word on that situation.
Meanwhile, all of the worldly stressors that my wife and I have wrangled with over the past few years still exist. The weight is ponderous. God is indeed allowing us to struggle in order that we seek and rely upon his strength.
I have in my minds eye the man I'd like to be. I've lived with the miserable mess of a man that I made of myself for quite long enough. I eagerly look forward to realizing a bit of the man He's forging. I pray that I stay out of his way long enough to get the job done.
This led to three hospitalizations, a tricky stent placement, and some pretty dismal days where it seemed doubtful that he'd recover to any significant degree if at all. In fact, there was a point where I was fairly certain I'd never bring him home at all.
During the hospitalizations my sister Lynn and I found ourselves physically taxed way beyond anything resembling our comfort levels. I can't speak for her, but there were times when I was feeling pretty close to the limit of my physical and mental strength. For me this doesn't take much since my standard level of functioning is pretty close to maxed out daily due to Muscular Dystrophy. Add any thing extra, and I'm flagging pretty quickly.
Now the point of all this isn't to whine (though I confess that I'm very prone to doing just that), but to talk about the lessons learned and insights gained during this time.
God reminded all of us of his sovereignty is a very immediate manner. In the midst of a day where things were going pretty well for me, a Friday where I was counting the hours 'till I could go home for the weekend and enjoy my family, there came an abrupt change of plans which kept me from home for nearly the entire next week. And for my sister it was just the same. She suddenly found herself on the way from North Carolina, and wouldn't get home herself for a week and a half. Dad, of course, learned this on a deeper level than anyone. God holds all the cards.
And it was a very real reminder that our busy human plans come to nothing. That our human strength comes to nothing. That we are all, ultimately, helpless before him. Hopelessly human, we are.
For me there came a moment where I realized that I was completely out of resources. I can do nothing to positively affect my own physical condition. I could do nothing to improve my Dad's condition. I was being called upon to shoulder more weight that I could shoulder, and in that moment I had to trust in Him to a greater degree than I ever had before.
At the time it didn't feel like I was getting much help. I cried out to Him for the strength to bear up to the challenge, and just went on feeling exhausted. I was only afterwards that it occurred to me that I had shouldered the load. It never became more than I could bear. He came through.
It occurs to me now that when I plead for His help it isn't, in reality, for simply enough, but enough to allow for my total comfort and then some. I'm asking for my way to be made easy. But we're never offered that guarantee are we? He promises to meet our needs, but not that our road would be soft and level. In fact, anyone paying attention to the gospels will understand that He makes no such promises at all.
It's also occurred to me to consider just how much help we're constantly receiving without even realizing it. I shudder to imagine what I'd face were He to suddenly withdraw and leave me truly alone.
1 Peter refers to our bring refined by fire in the manner that gold is refined. I take these times of stress as just such refinement. I've learned quite a bit about myself - both good and bad, and about God and his modus operandi. He's constantly teaching us. Refining us. And sometimes (usually, I think) that process is something less than the pleasant lesson we'd prefer.
If what has happened with my Dad wasn't enough, my mother in law slipped and fell and cracked a cervical vertebrae (broke her neck, in other words), and after spending a couple of weeks in a very uncomfortable neck brace had to be rushed to the ER last night with an extreme headache. We're still waiting for word on that situation.
Meanwhile, all of the worldly stressors that my wife and I have wrangled with over the past few years still exist. The weight is ponderous. God is indeed allowing us to struggle in order that we seek and rely upon his strength.
I have in my minds eye the man I'd like to be. I've lived with the miserable mess of a man that I made of myself for quite long enough. I eagerly look forward to realizing a bit of the man He's forging. I pray that I stay out of his way long enough to get the job done.
Monday, January 2, 2012
Will the new year bring renewed spirit?
Okay, okay, OKAY then! No, despite my post The Fog a few months ago, I've not followed up with my pledge to redouble my quiet time with God. Nope, the world's just too busy sometimes, and I'll confess that I'm still apt to let it draw me away. But, It's only me who suffers from putting my time with Him on the back burner.
I well understand the vital importance to keeping the lines of communication open in any relationship, and there's no more important relationship that I have.
Sooooo, once again let me make a pledge - a New Year's resolution: I WILL TAKE QUIET TIME DAILY REGARDLESS OF WHAT'S DANGLED BEFORE MY EYES.
I take my spirtual growth and relationship with God very seriously, but it's well past time to have become more disiplined in that regard. So, here's to another year of walking with Christ. If 2012 turns out to be as fruitful for me as 2011, then I'll have made good progress indeed.
I well understand the vital importance to keeping the lines of communication open in any relationship, and there's no more important relationship that I have.
Sooooo, once again let me make a pledge - a New Year's resolution: I WILL TAKE QUIET TIME DAILY REGARDLESS OF WHAT'S DANGLED BEFORE MY EYES.
I take my spirtual growth and relationship with God very seriously, but it's well past time to have become more disiplined in that regard. So, here's to another year of walking with Christ. If 2012 turns out to be as fruitful for me as 2011, then I'll have made good progress indeed.
Monday, December 26, 2011
CAUTION: Christianity
(This post is very different from my usual Prodigal's Walk fare. First it's not at all about the struggle to walk upright with our Savior. And it takes me, for the first time here on these pages, into politics and political philosophy. I've studiously avoided this, but, still, today's topic is very relevant to Christians. Your Humble Blogger)
I was disturbed last week when I read that an atheist group in Santa Monica, California appears to have managed to manipulate circumstances in that city in order to block a parcel of city property from being used, as it has traditionally been, for various nativity scenes. The park in question has served for generations as a local "must see" during the Christmas season with it's many displays.
But when a local atheist group complained the city, acting under the impetus of the current iron hand of political correctness, decided to parcel out the spaces in an open lottery in order to be "fair minded." That's where the problem arose: through some scheme the atheists wound up with nearly all of the spaces. Then cynically left them all but unoccupied. Only token displays were erected, and those exhibited the usual hurtful, slanderous style of these atheist evangelists.
So what these misguided folks have revealed to us is that, despite their claim to a higher adherence to reason and fairness, what they truly seek is not a open dialog - a forum for opposing points of view - but to stifle and contain opposing points of view. They seek not merely the freedom to believe (or not) as they wish, but the power to deny others the same.
I've watched in sadness as this upside down point of view has gained traction within the hearts of a huge swath of our fellow Americans. It's amazing to someone my age or older who grew up in a very, very different society to witness the extreme speed by which our time tested national mores have been undermined and conquered. (I have a lot to say about this in regard to prophecy, but that's a whole 'nuther blog post.) But, though it's new to us in the here and now, historically this sort of thing is old news. The whole of human history is littered with one or another tyrant (or tyrannical political system) attempting to stifle truth and freedom of conscience.
A few years before my salvation, but still embarrassingly late in life, I sort of had an earthquake in my own political thinking. I'd grown up on a steady diet of music, films, TV, and books which pushed the liberal point of view. Virtually all who'd I'd come to regard as heroes shared this point of view. So I'd come to see conservatism as being a cold, lifeless, heartless political philosophy bent on denying all of us freedom of conscience. I swallowed the progressive point of view unexamined.
Then came the emergence of "political correctness." The heavy handed and nearly insane crushing of any divergence from progressive thought by force of firings, boycotts, slander, even the enactment of clearly unconstitutional "hate crime" legislation. The central characteristic of this PC movement was imbalance. While claiming to herald a new era of fairness the PC crowd consistently behave in just the opposite manner. Rather than counter a point of view they disagre with with reasoned argument, these folks opt for shouting down the opposition, and with a huge leg up from the press. But why, I pondered, would there be any need for coercion if that point of view actually the best, most reasonable option? Well, there wouldn't be. Truth stands alone, but lies must be constantly propped up. To which side, then, should we attribute coercion?
As I began to take note of all this, it dawned on me that I'd been had. That I'd grown up free to speak my mind and think as I wished in a country run predominately by conservatives, and that I had only begun to feel that my rights were being abridged once liberalism gained traction. Since then I've watched as the left has consistently abused every power they've come to gain. The scales fell from my eyes and I abandoned my liberal inclinations.
Today we're witness to this latest manifestation of progressivism - the early stages of genuine religious persecution taking root within the very country founded on the basis of liberty - religious and otherwise. Sobering, to say the least.
Last night I watched a movie which featured a segment set in revolutionary China. Anyone with eyes to see and ears to hear should recognize that the level of oppression represented by that era of history represents the logical end of progressive ideology. Those who weren't true believers and/or didn't find themselves in a position of power within that China were nothing more than slaves. When a government finds it necessary viciously root out any and all literature, music, or art it does not specifically sanction and force it's citizenry into re-education camps, then the ism they're imposing is obviously illegitimate. It's hopelessly counter to human nature. It can't stand on it's own because it's not truth. Men can only be forced to espouse such an ideology at the point of a gun.
Well, the point of all this is to offer a word of encouragement to fellow Christians who may be feeling uneasy with this environment of anti-religion -and specifically anti-Christian - sentiment among so many in the U.S. There may be tough days ahead. We may see our rights stripped. It's conceivable that we or our children could see Christianity outlawed in the future. Those working under the deception of The Enemy are hard at work on the underpinnings of our society and have been for sometime.
But consider where the Maoists or Stalinists are today. What of this communism that was to "liberate" mankind in the last century and dominate the world? Where are any of the many, many isms that were imposed upon an unwilling populace throughout history? They've all fallen one by one. Gone. Dust.
Truth has a plucky tendency to endure because men are hardwired, I think, to seek it out. Governments can ban books, art, theater. They can send those they're unable to cow into gulags or to the gallows. They can proclaim God dead and posit some mere flesh and blood human as a pathetic substitute. And men might obey and pretend to believe for a time out of fear - but these tyrants will never, ever snuff out truth. Like a stubborn ember, it will always smolder within the human breast regardless of circumstance and endure to reignite.
Take heart, Christians. The Savior in which you've put your faith emerged from within the heart of just such oppression I've described. His word has to spread the world around. His church has outlived every attempt to snuff it out. While the Ceasars , and Pol Pots, and Maos, and Stalins, and Pharaohs, all the kings of this world are all long dead heaps of dust, He lives. Why? Because truth endures and He is truth.
Pray for our country, but remember also to pray for those still enslaved by darkness.
I was disturbed last week when I read that an atheist group in Santa Monica, California appears to have managed to manipulate circumstances in that city in order to block a parcel of city property from being used, as it has traditionally been, for various nativity scenes. The park in question has served for generations as a local "must see" during the Christmas season with it's many displays.
But when a local atheist group complained the city, acting under the impetus of the current iron hand of political correctness, decided to parcel out the spaces in an open lottery in order to be "fair minded." That's where the problem arose: through some scheme the atheists wound up with nearly all of the spaces. Then cynically left them all but unoccupied. Only token displays were erected, and those exhibited the usual hurtful, slanderous style of these atheist evangelists.
So what these misguided folks have revealed to us is that, despite their claim to a higher adherence to reason and fairness, what they truly seek is not a open dialog - a forum for opposing points of view - but to stifle and contain opposing points of view. They seek not merely the freedom to believe (or not) as they wish, but the power to deny others the same.
I've watched in sadness as this upside down point of view has gained traction within the hearts of a huge swath of our fellow Americans. It's amazing to someone my age or older who grew up in a very, very different society to witness the extreme speed by which our time tested national mores have been undermined and conquered. (I have a lot to say about this in regard to prophecy, but that's a whole 'nuther blog post.) But, though it's new to us in the here and now, historically this sort of thing is old news. The whole of human history is littered with one or another tyrant (or tyrannical political system) attempting to stifle truth and freedom of conscience.
A few years before my salvation, but still embarrassingly late in life, I sort of had an earthquake in my own political thinking. I'd grown up on a steady diet of music, films, TV, and books which pushed the liberal point of view. Virtually all who'd I'd come to regard as heroes shared this point of view. So I'd come to see conservatism as being a cold, lifeless, heartless political philosophy bent on denying all of us freedom of conscience. I swallowed the progressive point of view unexamined.
Then came the emergence of "political correctness." The heavy handed and nearly insane crushing of any divergence from progressive thought by force of firings, boycotts, slander, even the enactment of clearly unconstitutional "hate crime" legislation. The central characteristic of this PC movement was imbalance. While claiming to herald a new era of fairness the PC crowd consistently behave in just the opposite manner. Rather than counter a point of view they disagre with with reasoned argument, these folks opt for shouting down the opposition, and with a huge leg up from the press. But why, I pondered, would there be any need for coercion if that point of view actually the best, most reasonable option? Well, there wouldn't be. Truth stands alone, but lies must be constantly propped up. To which side, then, should we attribute coercion?
As I began to take note of all this, it dawned on me that I'd been had. That I'd grown up free to speak my mind and think as I wished in a country run predominately by conservatives, and that I had only begun to feel that my rights were being abridged once liberalism gained traction. Since then I've watched as the left has consistently abused every power they've come to gain. The scales fell from my eyes and I abandoned my liberal inclinations.
Today we're witness to this latest manifestation of progressivism - the early stages of genuine religious persecution taking root within the very country founded on the basis of liberty - religious and otherwise. Sobering, to say the least.
Last night I watched a movie which featured a segment set in revolutionary China. Anyone with eyes to see and ears to hear should recognize that the level of oppression represented by that era of history represents the logical end of progressive ideology. Those who weren't true believers and/or didn't find themselves in a position of power within that China were nothing more than slaves. When a government finds it necessary viciously root out any and all literature, music, or art it does not specifically sanction and force it's citizenry into re-education camps, then the ism they're imposing is obviously illegitimate. It's hopelessly counter to human nature. It can't stand on it's own because it's not truth. Men can only be forced to espouse such an ideology at the point of a gun.
Well, the point of all this is to offer a word of encouragement to fellow Christians who may be feeling uneasy with this environment of anti-religion -and specifically anti-Christian - sentiment among so many in the U.S. There may be tough days ahead. We may see our rights stripped. It's conceivable that we or our children could see Christianity outlawed in the future. Those working under the deception of The Enemy are hard at work on the underpinnings of our society and have been for sometime.
But consider where the Maoists or Stalinists are today. What of this communism that was to "liberate" mankind in the last century and dominate the world? Where are any of the many, many isms that were imposed upon an unwilling populace throughout history? They've all fallen one by one. Gone. Dust.
Truth has a plucky tendency to endure because men are hardwired, I think, to seek it out. Governments can ban books, art, theater. They can send those they're unable to cow into gulags or to the gallows. They can proclaim God dead and posit some mere flesh and blood human as a pathetic substitute. And men might obey and pretend to believe for a time out of fear - but these tyrants will never, ever snuff out truth. Like a stubborn ember, it will always smolder within the human breast regardless of circumstance and endure to reignite.
Take heart, Christians. The Savior in which you've put your faith emerged from within the heart of just such oppression I've described. His word has to spread the world around. His church has outlived every attempt to snuff it out. While the Ceasars , and Pol Pots, and Maos, and Stalins, and Pharaohs, all the kings of this world are all long dead heaps of dust, He lives. Why? Because truth endures and He is truth.
Pray for our country, but remember also to pray for those still enslaved by darkness.
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Forgiveness - No So Easy
Without question dredging up forgiveness in the face of ongoing offense is for me the most difficult part of living the Christian life. When it's a single "one and done" offense forgiveness isn't too difficult, but that which is ongoing is something else altogether. And it's clearly beyond my capacity.
Yeah, in strictly human terms I have legitimate complaints. My toes aren't just stepped on, they're STOMPED on and the stompers just think we're dancing. But as a Christian I'm not expected to act according to human rules. I read a book penned by the founder of The Voice of the Martyrs a few months ago, and I was amazed at the stories of Christian's who were able to love and forgive their torturers despite the most inhuman treatment imaginable. Compared to them I suffer a mere trifle. Yet, forgiveness often eludes me. Those people got tons of something of which I still await even an ounce.
I know that this is the most important of Christ's commandments - that we love and forgive regardless of the trespass. And I ache to possess that quality. As I wrote a couple of posts ago, I want forgiveness to be my default position. And I've prayed and prayed that He'd help me in this. So far, nothing. I can't figure this one. I know my heart, and I sincerely wish to be rid of this angry resentment. I've searched myself to find where I might be going wrong. I simply don't get it. Where are the fruits of the Holy Spirit when I need them most?
Yeah, in strictly human terms I have legitimate complaints. My toes aren't just stepped on, they're STOMPED on and the stompers just think we're dancing. But as a Christian I'm not expected to act according to human rules. I read a book penned by the founder of The Voice of the Martyrs a few months ago, and I was amazed at the stories of Christian's who were able to love and forgive their torturers despite the most inhuman treatment imaginable. Compared to them I suffer a mere trifle. Yet, forgiveness often eludes me. Those people got tons of something of which I still await even an ounce.
I know that this is the most important of Christ's commandments - that we love and forgive regardless of the trespass. And I ache to possess that quality. As I wrote a couple of posts ago, I want forgiveness to be my default position. And I've prayed and prayed that He'd help me in this. So far, nothing. I can't figure this one. I know my heart, and I sincerely wish to be rid of this angry resentment. I've searched myself to find where I might be going wrong. I simply don't get it. Where are the fruits of the Holy Spirit when I need them most?
Monday, December 5, 2011
Peligroso!
Just a quickie: It seems that a maximum of caution is called for when bearing the razor by which to shave and shave The Word in an attempt to get at some manner of theological purity - some inner core. You may a: cut your self, and b: find in the end that you're left with nothing more than a lap full of shavings.
Father, help me to discern Your intent and to discard that which You never intended.
Father, help me to discern Your intent and to discard that which You never intended.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Learning Curve
I was a little brutal to myself in that last post, but this one's more upbeat. Last year both during the searching and after the salvation, I was in the process of reading Lee Strobel's "The Case For Christ". If you're unfamiliar with that title, it book was the chronicle of Lee's exploration of the veracity of the New Testament as the cynical, atheistic legal editor of The Chicago Tribune. After two years of research he realized that far from disproving the gospels, he'd proven to himself that Jesus was the unique son of God. Lee gave himself the Jesus, and today he's one of Christianity's greatest defenders both in print and in front of a microphone.
But it's not the subject of the book I'm here to talk about so much as what this recent reread has revealed to me about my own progress in Biblical study. The first time I read it much of the scriptural references were very alien to me. When he talked of Paul or Isaiah, etc. the names were just names. So, while I certainly hung in with the narrative, a lot of the subtlety was lost on me.
This time, though, I find that I'm getting much more out of it. I understand the background significance much more fully. I get it. So much so that I find myself a little surprised by it. So, this past 13 months of study has had a bigger pay off than even I realized.
And that's just 13 months. I'm looking forward to having years and years of study under my belt! If you're a new Christian reading this my advice is to immerse yourself in The Word as though nothing else matters. Nothing else does.
(I highly recommend "The Case For Christ" if you haven't read it!)
http://www.lifeway.com/Product/the-case-for-christ-P001063503
But it's not the subject of the book I'm here to talk about so much as what this recent reread has revealed to me about my own progress in Biblical study. The first time I read it much of the scriptural references were very alien to me. When he talked of Paul or Isaiah, etc. the names were just names. So, while I certainly hung in with the narrative, a lot of the subtlety was lost on me.
This time, though, I find that I'm getting much more out of it. I understand the background significance much more fully. I get it. So much so that I find myself a little surprised by it. So, this past 13 months of study has had a bigger pay off than even I realized.
And that's just 13 months. I'm looking forward to having years and years of study under my belt! If you're a new Christian reading this my advice is to immerse yourself in The Word as though nothing else matters. Nothing else does.
(I highly recommend "The Case For Christ" if you haven't read it!)
http://www.lifeway.com/Product/the-case-for-christ-P001063503
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Would You Like Some Cheese To Go With That Whine, Hugh?
Ephesians 4:14,15 - Be no longer children, but grow up in Christ.
This one gets a little personal:
There still exists within me a petulant child who thrives on self-pity, indolence, spite, resentment, and anger. It's the self-same aspect of my character that has crippled me throughout my adult life and undermined every effort on my part to realize my potential as a man with my particular set of abilities. It's that voice that justifies cowardice and laziness within my mind when the moment calls for courage and diligence. The temper that lashes out childishly at the least criticism. The rage that bubbles up from deep within so easily. The whisper that keeps me planted in my pew rather than shouting the gospel to the rafters. The thief of my self-confidence. The fog that obscures the finish line and causes it to seem impossibly unattainable. The poison that reminds me that I am, after all, Hugh Owens - notorious loser-nothing and joke.
I despise this part of me, and I've felt at times that I was at last putting a some distance between the regenerated Christian man and that old, ineffective self. But always, always, always I find myself responding to life's slings and arrows in the same old way, and then afterwards I realize that what had seemed like progress was only a brief period of relative easy going that didn't really challenge me and therefore didn't trigger the re-emergence of that guy. Fair skies and calm seas don't put a boat to the test.
So, how do I put this child away forever? Why is he so tenacious - following me even into late middle age? Christ tells me that I'm no longer a slave to the old self, and that I can shake off those shackles any time. But in that critical moment it's soooooooo difficult to remember this and to tap into His power in order to bring forth the humility to counter my wounded pride and the forgiveness to counter my churlish resentment.
I've written more than once on this blog about my frustration with my glacial spiritual progress. And it's my impatience that brings the topic to the fore again. I want this OVER! I want my default response to life to be peace, joy, love, calm, and forgiveness. And I know that this is the desire of my Lord as well, so I have to trust that it's necessary to me to learn to overcome this rather than to simply granted victory. But it's same petulant child described above that's impatient and a bit resentful about this just at the moment.
So, yeah - I'm very frustrated, but there's a glimmer of hope. I can see progress and change in so much as I now recognize this behavior soon after the fact, and sometimes during. The desire to change this, and the weak but growing ability to look at myself honestly and ask for forgiveness from those I lash out at and for strength from God is clearly a fruit of the Spirit manifest in my life. And I pray, Father, that you do continue to open my eyes and to redouble my resolve to rise above the flesh and become a truly effective servant.
This one gets a little personal:
There still exists within me a petulant child who thrives on self-pity, indolence, spite, resentment, and anger. It's the self-same aspect of my character that has crippled me throughout my adult life and undermined every effort on my part to realize my potential as a man with my particular set of abilities. It's that voice that justifies cowardice and laziness within my mind when the moment calls for courage and diligence. The temper that lashes out childishly at the least criticism. The rage that bubbles up from deep within so easily. The whisper that keeps me planted in my pew rather than shouting the gospel to the rafters. The thief of my self-confidence. The fog that obscures the finish line and causes it to seem impossibly unattainable. The poison that reminds me that I am, after all, Hugh Owens - notorious loser-nothing and joke.
I despise this part of me, and I've felt at times that I was at last putting a some distance between the regenerated Christian man and that old, ineffective self. But always, always, always I find myself responding to life's slings and arrows in the same old way, and then afterwards I realize that what had seemed like progress was only a brief period of relative easy going that didn't really challenge me and therefore didn't trigger the re-emergence of that guy. Fair skies and calm seas don't put a boat to the test.
So, how do I put this child away forever? Why is he so tenacious - following me even into late middle age? Christ tells me that I'm no longer a slave to the old self, and that I can shake off those shackles any time. But in that critical moment it's soooooooo difficult to remember this and to tap into His power in order to bring forth the humility to counter my wounded pride and the forgiveness to counter my churlish resentment.
I've written more than once on this blog about my frustration with my glacial spiritual progress. And it's my impatience that brings the topic to the fore again. I want this OVER! I want my default response to life to be peace, joy, love, calm, and forgiveness. And I know that this is the desire of my Lord as well, so I have to trust that it's necessary to me to learn to overcome this rather than to simply granted victory. But it's same petulant child described above that's impatient and a bit resentful about this just at the moment.
So, yeah - I'm very frustrated, but there's a glimmer of hope. I can see progress and change in so much as I now recognize this behavior soon after the fact, and sometimes during. The desire to change this, and the weak but growing ability to look at myself honestly and ask for forgiveness from those I lash out at and for strength from God is clearly a fruit of the Spirit manifest in my life. And I pray, Father, that you do continue to open my eyes and to redouble my resolve to rise above the flesh and become a truly effective servant.
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