I've been quite silent, blog-wise, for the past few weeks, but I have a pretty good excuse. About a month ago I got a call from my Dad that he was having chest pains. Dad's eighty two, has Lymphoma, and has an over thirty year history of heart disease. Well, in the ER it was discovered that he'd had a small heart attack. (When it's someone you love there's no such thing as a "small" heart attack!).
This led to three hospitalizations, a tricky stent placement, and some pretty dismal days where it seemed doubtful that he'd recover to any significant degree if at all. In fact, there was a point where I was fairly certain I'd never bring him home at all.
During the hospitalizations my sister Lynn and I found ourselves physically taxed way beyond anything resembling our comfort levels. I can't speak for her, but there were times when I was feeling pretty close to the limit of my physical and mental strength. For me this doesn't take much since my standard level of functioning is pretty close to maxed out daily due to Muscular Dystrophy. Add any thing extra, and I'm flagging pretty quickly.
Now the point of all this isn't to whine (though I confess that I'm very prone to doing just that), but to talk about the lessons learned and insights gained during this time.
God reminded all of us of his sovereignty is a very immediate manner. In the midst of a day where things were going pretty well for me, a Friday where I was counting the hours 'till I could go home for the weekend and enjoy my family, there came an abrupt change of plans which kept me from home for nearly the entire next week. And for my sister it was just the same. She suddenly found herself on the way from North Carolina, and wouldn't get home herself for a week and a half. Dad, of course, learned this on a deeper level than anyone. God holds all the cards.
And it was a very real reminder that our busy human plans come to nothing. That our human strength comes to nothing. That we are all, ultimately, helpless before him. Hopelessly human, we are.
For me there came a moment where I realized that I was completely out of resources. I can do nothing to positively affect my own physical condition. I could do nothing to improve my Dad's condition. I was being called upon to shoulder more weight that I could shoulder, and in that moment I had to trust in Him to a greater degree than I ever had before.
At the time it didn't feel like I was getting much help. I cried out to Him for the strength to bear up to the challenge, and just went on feeling exhausted. I was only afterwards that it occurred to me that I had shouldered the load. It never became more than I could bear. He came through.
It occurs to me now that when I plead for His help it isn't, in reality, for simply enough, but enough to allow for my total comfort and then some. I'm asking for my way to be made easy. But we're never offered that guarantee are we? He promises to meet our needs, but not that our road would be soft and level. In fact, anyone paying attention to the gospels will understand that He makes no such promises at all.
It's also occurred to me to consider just how much help we're constantly receiving without even realizing it. I shudder to imagine what I'd face were He to suddenly withdraw and leave me truly alone.
1 Peter refers to our bring refined by fire in the manner that gold is refined. I take these times of stress as just such refinement. I've learned quite a bit about myself - both good and bad, and about God and his modus operandi. He's constantly teaching us. Refining us. And sometimes (usually, I think) that process is something less than the pleasant lesson we'd prefer.
If what has happened with my Dad wasn't enough, my mother in law slipped and fell and cracked a cervical vertebrae (broke her neck, in other words), and after spending a couple of weeks in a very uncomfortable neck brace had to be rushed to the ER last night with an extreme headache. We're still waiting for word on that situation.
Meanwhile, all of the worldly stressors that my wife and I have wrangled with over the past few years still exist. The weight is ponderous. God is indeed allowing us to struggle in order that we seek and rely upon his strength.
I have in my minds eye the man I'd like to be. I've lived with the miserable mess of a man that I made of myself for quite long enough. I eagerly look forward to realizing a bit of the man He's forging. I pray that I stay out of his way long enough to get the job done.
This led to three hospitalizations, a tricky stent placement, and some pretty dismal days where it seemed doubtful that he'd recover to any significant degree if at all. In fact, there was a point where I was fairly certain I'd never bring him home at all.
During the hospitalizations my sister Lynn and I found ourselves physically taxed way beyond anything resembling our comfort levels. I can't speak for her, but there were times when I was feeling pretty close to the limit of my physical and mental strength. For me this doesn't take much since my standard level of functioning is pretty close to maxed out daily due to Muscular Dystrophy. Add any thing extra, and I'm flagging pretty quickly.
Now the point of all this isn't to whine (though I confess that I'm very prone to doing just that), but to talk about the lessons learned and insights gained during this time.
God reminded all of us of his sovereignty is a very immediate manner. In the midst of a day where things were going pretty well for me, a Friday where I was counting the hours 'till I could go home for the weekend and enjoy my family, there came an abrupt change of plans which kept me from home for nearly the entire next week. And for my sister it was just the same. She suddenly found herself on the way from North Carolina, and wouldn't get home herself for a week and a half. Dad, of course, learned this on a deeper level than anyone. God holds all the cards.
And it was a very real reminder that our busy human plans come to nothing. That our human strength comes to nothing. That we are all, ultimately, helpless before him. Hopelessly human, we are.
For me there came a moment where I realized that I was completely out of resources. I can do nothing to positively affect my own physical condition. I could do nothing to improve my Dad's condition. I was being called upon to shoulder more weight that I could shoulder, and in that moment I had to trust in Him to a greater degree than I ever had before.
At the time it didn't feel like I was getting much help. I cried out to Him for the strength to bear up to the challenge, and just went on feeling exhausted. I was only afterwards that it occurred to me that I had shouldered the load. It never became more than I could bear. He came through.
It occurs to me now that when I plead for His help it isn't, in reality, for simply enough, but enough to allow for my total comfort and then some. I'm asking for my way to be made easy. But we're never offered that guarantee are we? He promises to meet our needs, but not that our road would be soft and level. In fact, anyone paying attention to the gospels will understand that He makes no such promises at all.
It's also occurred to me to consider just how much help we're constantly receiving without even realizing it. I shudder to imagine what I'd face were He to suddenly withdraw and leave me truly alone.
1 Peter refers to our bring refined by fire in the manner that gold is refined. I take these times of stress as just such refinement. I've learned quite a bit about myself - both good and bad, and about God and his modus operandi. He's constantly teaching us. Refining us. And sometimes (usually, I think) that process is something less than the pleasant lesson we'd prefer.
If what has happened with my Dad wasn't enough, my mother in law slipped and fell and cracked a cervical vertebrae (broke her neck, in other words), and after spending a couple of weeks in a very uncomfortable neck brace had to be rushed to the ER last night with an extreme headache. We're still waiting for word on that situation.
Meanwhile, all of the worldly stressors that my wife and I have wrangled with over the past few years still exist. The weight is ponderous. God is indeed allowing us to struggle in order that we seek and rely upon his strength.
I have in my minds eye the man I'd like to be. I've lived with the miserable mess of a man that I made of myself for quite long enough. I eagerly look forward to realizing a bit of the man He's forging. I pray that I stay out of his way long enough to get the job done.
Well Chipper-You've helped open my eyes once again to my own failings and how it is that I still seem to make it thru one more day-HE IS in control and I just need to let Him do His job and mine will be easier-Why do we keep butting our heads when we need to just bow them down?!
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